Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
