It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
