this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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