I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
