I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
