I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
