i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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