I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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