It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
