Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
