Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
