I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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