what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
