I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
