Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
