yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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