We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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