I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
