And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
