I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
