Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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