my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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