Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
