know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
