I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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