you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
