My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
