Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
