Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
