Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
