I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
