The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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