I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
