someone get that fucking seahorse.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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