We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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