Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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