wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
