We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
