Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
