Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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