You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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