so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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