Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the day after is always just damage control
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
