u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
