That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
