Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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