I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
