I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
