oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
