I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
