You made me cry and you don't even care
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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