Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
