is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How naked do you want me to be?
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