you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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