i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
